What Your Barista Wishes You Knew (But Is Too Polite to Say)

We love you. Truly. Without you, there’s no coffee culture—just empty cups and sad espresso machines. But even the most patient barista has a little list in their head… the stuff they really want to say, but smile through instead.

So on their behalf, here’s the real talk. No filter (except the coffee kind).

1. “No, We’re Not Starbucks—And That’s a Good Thing”

We don’t have a secret menu. We don’t do ‘venti’. And we’re definitely not blending your oat milk frappé with whipped cream and caramel drizzle.

If you’re in an indie café, you’re here for the craft. We’d rather pull a perfect double shot than mix you a dessert in a cup. It’s not snobbery—it’s standards.

2. “Your Coffee Isn’t ‘Weak’—You Just Ordered a Bucket of Milk”

If you ask for the biggest cup we’ve got and then say it tastes watery, here’s the deal: it’s not the espresso’s fault. You drowned it.

Want it stronger? Try a smaller drink. Like a flat white. Less milk, more punch. Size matters—but not the way you think.

3. “Latte Art Isn’t Just for Instagram”

That pretty heart or rosetta on top of your coffee? It’s not just flair. It means we got the milk right. That texture takes skill. Trust us, your barista practised on about 200 jugs before they nailed it.

If it looks good, it probably tastes good. If it looks like